Patience and expectations

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What is patience?

The definition in the dictionary is; the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

My definition is; Try to not ram your head into a wall, hurl anything breakable, have a tantrum, lose sleep and most importantly, learn to accept that you are not always in control. You hear things like “patience is a virtue”, yes it is for sure but not one that is in my immediate arsenal.  When we are not patient it causes anger, sadness, anxiety and often depression.

Honestly when you are not in control of a situation it creates enormous amounts of lack of patience.  I mean honestly, who really wants to tolerate a delay or trouble? These things will happen way more often then we would like, so we need to take all the steps in our power to create a better way of handling these curveballs.



Why we need to learn patience

Patient people are proven to have less depression, anxiety, negativity and ruminations. I truly believe that what you put out to the universe you get back.  When we practice mindfulness and calm we will allow that to be returned to us in abundance.  People who are patient are more satisfied with their lives and more successful. This success comes from adapting to any curve balls that are thrown and the ability to take a step back and be prepared for whatever changes are on our journey to ensure we maintain a successful path.  If you are impatient, you are unable to adapt which leads to what we deem as a failure. We will often abandon what we really desire because we were not patient or able to adapt.

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Expectations

Expectation can go on any blog I have and will ever do.  Expectations can be debilitating and saddening.  We all have been let down by someone because they didn’t live up to what we expected them to do.  We think that people should respond and behave the way we would in that situation.  When we inflict our expectation on people, I can promise you that 85% of the time you will be let down.  This is where we need to check ourselves and not be so hard on the other person.  This of course comes with exceptions and people can’t just treat you any kind of way.  There are boundaries with expectations and sometimes we blur the line. Inflicting your personal expectation on another person is not only unfair, but it will result in disappointment.

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If your feeling are hurt by someone letting you down, the key is communication.  You should tell them how and why you were hurt by something they did or didn’t do.  Be prepared to hear their side too.  Compromise is the key to any relationship.  We all have to do some things we aren’t fond of for another person.  That is called being considerate and thoughtful.  I highly recommend The Five Languages of Love. This is a great book for marital realationships but also gives you a little insight into what makes you happy.  I have read the book and honestly have utilized it in all of my relationships.

Patience and your overall health

Your mental health can greatly be affected by lack of patience. This is not something that happens overnight. You need to learn to identify triggers and the feelings that arise from those triggers. Regulation of emotions and how to  empathize with others. Regulation of emotions is not something that will happen overnight so don’t expect it to!

I honestly think one of the most peaceful things that you can do for yourself is understand your emotions without judgement.  Every emotion that we have comes from an amazing place within us. Your job is to show compassion for each emotion that you carry regardless if you think it is irrational.  You have to be as kind to yourself as you are to the people around you.

Exercises to increase your patience

  • Look for the positive in the situation. When we get impatient it causes the anger and agitation response.  These are responses that you are in control of.  In reframing a situation take the time to work on self control. If you are late for an appointment and there is a major traffic jam the traffic sea is not going to just part for you, so you might as well make the best of the situation.  Listen to music, audio book or a hands free phone call.
  • Practice mindfulness. Deep breathing exercises are one of the easiest things to do to keep mindful and in the moment.  When we are stressed we shallow breathe. Deep belly breathing is linked to many health benefits and has been proven to lower anxiety.

If you give yourself at least two to three weeks to embrace your emotions and make a conscious effort to meditate, you will find you are more patient in every area of your life.  Lack of patience and high expectations will leave you bitter and angry most of the time.  Be kind to yourself and know that you will not just wake up patient.  When we are working on ourselves it takes time and yes patience.

The only expectations that you should have are the ones that you set for yourself.  Stay true to who you are at all times and you will find the people that let you down will find a way to exit your circle without you engaging.

xoxo  Lori

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patience and expectations

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