My personal journey of depression, anxiety and OCD

I am a Life Healer and help many people all around the world on their journey to find the inner peace and happiness they seek.  I have several clients and friends that tell me how easy I relate and make them feel comfortable.  They tell me how it’s like I know exactly how they feel.  Well, I am writing this blog to tell you that I absolutely do know how to relate to my clients.  Let me take you on a personal journey of where I have been and how I got to the point of helping so many people where traditional treatment did not give them the answers and direction they need.

My Mental Disorder Menu

I have suffered from so many different psychological disorders over my almost forty-seven years of life.  At various stages of my life I have been treated for Bipolar, personality disorder, anxiety attacks, panic disorder, depression and OCD.  Yea, I know that is a lot of therapy and treatment.  I am an intuitive and have been able to see and hear things that most people cannot understand or even fathom.  In my youth I wondered if I was schizophrenic or just completely crazy.  When you see people who others don’t and see you start to think that there is seriously something wrong with you. In the 1970’s and 1980’s there were not shows that demonstrated people like myself, so I was just the weird kid. I wasn’t alone thankfully and was nurtured to understand that I wasn’t crazy at all but gifted.

Most intuitive people like myself have some form of anxiety, depression or bipolar tendencies.  I was super lucky and was able to get so many more psychological issues.  I am impulsive to this day but have learned to channel that into a successful tool for myself.  I am so driven to succeed in helping people, but that comes with a hefty price tag.  I sacrifice an enormous amount of time with my family and friends so I can fulfill my destiny to help save the world that I see as fractured. I am so lucky to be able to guide others off of that stupid dark highway that I sometimes visit.

I have gone through years and years of intensive therapy and work with shamans, doctors, clergy, scientists and several other people to help me get to a place where I can fight through my daily struggles.  Let me be really clear when I tell you that I fight daily to maintain some form of stability for myself.  I thrive on the sessions I have with my clients.  I am able to get out of my own head while relating to them and offering them solutions to their current issues that I can relate to not only professionally but personally.  I understand the boundaries that most people structure towards clients but mine are much more cloudy.  It is nothing for me to share my personal journey that relates to their current situation.

I’m not a licensed psychiatrist or therapist but I am recognized for my work by countless numbers of them.  I love therapy!  I have no idea why the entire world doesn’t go to therapy.  Why the hell do you want to suffer in an internal hellish life because you don’t feel that anyone can help you is seriously baffling to me.  I have spoken at fundraisers for various therapy organizations on the benefits of therapy and how to really benefit from therapy.

Over the years I have been on medication for bipolar 1 with mixed episodes and depression.  I was also taking medicine for my OCD which takes on the form of Rumination and worry, like ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME.  CBT (Cognitive behavior therapy) has been a life saver and I am in love with my psychiatrist.  They have kept me from not going completely crazy and showed me how to accept and love every aspect of myself.  This means my flaws, bad decisions, mistakes, judgements, wrinkles, anxiety and sadness.

OCD and Rumination is my Achilles heel.  I am no longer on any medications except for my Klonipin for my anxiety.  I still have cycles of depression and anxiety that ebb and flow daily.  The worse thing ever is my OCD. People who are unfamiliar with OCD will think its things like touching doorknobs a certain amount of time or some other ritualistic thing.  Yes, that is for sure OCD but the part of OCD that I have a volatile marriage with is rumination and worry.  

My H.Pylori is a huge example of my rumination. I have a desire to know everything there is to know about anything I ruminate on.  H.Pylori can cause horrible things in the stomach, including stomach cancer.  This of course is the only aspect of H.Pylori that I could think about when I wasn’t with clients.  All day everyday.  I would call my best friend who is a nurse and drive her nutso about it.  I would call my other friend who also has OCD and understands my struggles. She let me vent to her about how stressed I was about it and didn’t try to fix me, just listen to my stress and fear. I am still battling with stomach issues and will need to get retested to see if it has returned.

I researched the bacteria for over a week and looked at Google briefly (Don’t even think about googling your symptoms, you will convince yourself of the worse case scenario) but I like to research medical findings on some of the medical boards that I am a part of that are not accessible to everyone and has real case studies.   Oh, don’t think that is any better!  That is sometimes worse because I only read the ones that are the negative ones.  So at least now as my stomach still isn’t right, I have done all but gone back in time to the ordination of the bacteria, so I haven’t had to investigate it again.  I can however tell anyone on the planet and other planets what it is, where it comes from, how to read it and what all it can do to your body.

How do I function in life and with my busy schedule with all the OCD is a question I get all the time.  It can be a mistake or a disagreement with someone or something more serious.  That is all my brain needs to replay the situation about 10,000 times and think about the things I should or shouldn’t have said or done.  I know its shocking but I am not perfect. (I’ll wait for you to gather your composure after that revelation……)

I have fallen into a funk for the last few weeks and have been ruminating about three different topics.  I mean like anytime I am not with a client, day or night.  I even thought I may need to get back on something like Cylexa or something to get me back on track.  I have opted to not do that and continue with my tools that I have learned in my years of therapy and training for the life healing sessions that I do with my clients everyday.  That is not to say that I won’t need to be on medicine for it at a later date but  I love alternative medicine more than anything right now and want to try all of those options before I decide on pharmaceuticals.

I am learning a lot and read more now then I ever have probably in my life.  I am educating myself on the art of joy and peace.  I am meditating at least once a day but often three or four times a day.  I am not working out right now because I don’t need the added stress of feeling like I HAVE to do that too.  I have learned that I need to focus on my mental health first and foremost.  My current favorite book right now that I am reading is “The book of joy” by the Dalia Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I am also reading a few other self-help books that some of my peers have told me to read so I my continue my personal growth and bring those tools to my clients.

It’s not embarrassing 

If I had a shirt that said that I had mental issues, I would gladly wear that in every single color.  I have taken my journey and converted that into being able to help prescribe the proper medications and alternative treatments to my clients.  I AM NOT a prescribing physician, but I tell you what you need to change and then you take that to your physician for review to see if they agree with that change. I am happy that any changes that I have suggested have been welcomed by my clients doctors.  I just told you above that I research everything back to the origination of whatever it is so yea, I’m pretty knowledgeable.  This is a HUGE benefit to being OCD.

I don’t get why people get caught up in embarrassment of mental disorders!  I can tell you that there are other countries that are so much farther ahead in their understanding of mental illness.  In my opinion, we all have something going on upstairs that needs to be addressed.  You will never get the help you need unless you are honest about what issues you are having.  You don’t have to label what they are, just be honest about your feelings and your situation.  Trained professionals and people like myself can help you figure out what line of treatment will fit your specific issue.  It’s not always about pharmaceutical treatment but you may need that for a short period of time if that is the direction that is the best fit.  Cognitive behavioral therapy is ALWAYS recommended as long as you are willing to be totally open and hear that you are not perfect either.  If you are looking to therapy for someone to tell you how right you are then there is about three different diagnoses right there.

A few of my personal strategies to remain balanced

• Prayer
• Meditation
• Therapy
• Work with my clients to help them find clarity (More info here)
• Talk to close friends and family
• Reading and writing (2nd book in the works!)
• Social media positive posts (I DO NOT post negative anything or allow anyone to post to my social media) I also rarely go onto Facebook these days and scroll like I used to.  I find the negative posts really deplete my energy.  I will post positive or funny things.  I will read a few posts until I see something negative then I hop off
• Essential Oils (Diffused, baths, topical and ingested)
• Acupuncture, cupping and Guasha
• Massage and energy healing session
• yoga, stretching and deep breathing exercises
• Plant based lifestyle

“Mad Matter: “Have I gone mad?”
Alice: “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
― Tim Burton, Alice in Wonderland: Based on the Motion Picture Directed by Tim Burton

You are not alone

You are NOT alone in dealing with any mental illness.  Talk to someone other than your friends about your issues.  If someone is judging you then make sure to distance yourself from them ASAP.  If you are judging yourself for feeling a certain way or feel that you are just broken then that right there tells me you need to talk to someone. Some people never get help and it can end in a very tragic way.  If you or someone you know is at a place of immediate despair please call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255.  Mental illness is a real issue and if you can’t see that around you on a daily basis, please take me with you to this perfect place that you live so I too can live in a place peace.

xoxo Lori

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